"Old beliefs die hard even when demonstrably false."
--Edward O. Wilson.
Well, you did the only right thing to question your belief and investigate.. something that most people are not able to do, their bias towards their belief is too strong to stick to reality for long enough to actually get that far.
But it is not your fault that you were inside the religious bubble for so long.. it is the fault of people who rotted away long time ago, they told others that they are too stupid to understand "God", discouraged them to question the dreamworld they were forced into.. and explained them that they have to submit to it with no buts, with no proof and no reason to actually do it other than fear, both of dying and being forgotten but even more the fear of dying without being in God's fan, that is much worse than just dying.. It is like "holy smoking", you think if you stop smoking "the holy cigarette", it will hunt you down and smoke you in pain for all eternity, most people can't even imagine to stop believing.. It is almost funny, they just believe blindly but most of them claim to KNOW! And many of them even "talk to god"
Those people in the past used the books to force the illiterate uneducated masses into submission.. the real problem is, the virus spread over the world for such a long time, people cling to religions not realizing how much death and violence and intolerance and idiocy still comes with it.. and that it was built on hate and genocide.. and a huge portion of ignorance.. and last but not least brain washing and extortion.
The world is full of religious people merely because they were brain washed and mesmerized with the imaginary world and bribed with an eternal orgasm in God's candyland.. and threatened to stick to their belief.. hell came later to make it worse. The church is claiming to do God's work but it does so with YOUR money.. Later a greedy priest who wanted to build a huge church came up with the idea to let people "pay for their sins".. and given the law contradictions in the bible you can't be free of "sin" no matter how hard you try.
However it should be enough to read a small part of the crap to actually see what was done there.. at least for somebody who isn't "under the religious spell".
Just read the stories and laws in the old testament.. although the new one isn't that much better, but keep in mind that Jesus had nothing against the things in the Old Testament, actually the exact opposite.
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest part or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken place." Matthew 5:17
So better make sure you don't beat up your slave too much, he needs to get up and work after 2 days at latest!!
Well Jesus the fake messiah who was supposed to be named Immanuel, actually said that "Heaven and Earth will pass away" around 2000 years ago.. so he pretty much failed before Christianity set foot in the world..
But lets ignore him, look how God was depicted in the Bible.
Here my favorite part from Deuteronomy:
"And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee: For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall they camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee." (Deuteronomy 23:13-14)
Too bad he didn't turn away..
But of course, that sounds plausible (?) not only is God so kind to bring his enemies to me instead of fighting them on his wn, being omnipotent and stuff sure gives him a reason to let me do it.. but the funny part is he can't even watch his step so i have to clean up after relieving myself?
No matter how hard I try, I don't see God's word in there, and i doubt anybody would see it without "God drummed into their heads" so bad that they ignore such things, if they ever read them at all.. but there is too much idiocy in those books to actually miss such things!
Another one, pretty funny (for people who like black humor)
Deuteronomy 7:20 "Moreover the LORD thy God will send the hornet among them, until they that are left, and hide themselves from thee, be destroyed."
Wow hornets? Really? I thought he made dinosaurs and giants.. but he sends few hornets to help me fight HIS enemies?
But make sure you don't piss him off, thats when he gets really mad!
"Behold with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people and thy children, and thy wives, and all thy goods: And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day." (II Chronicles 21:14-15).
"And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease. And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of sickness: so he died of sore diseases. And his people made no burning for him, like the burning of his fathers." (II Chronicles 12:18-19).
Nice job there God! give the folks plague and bowel diseases. Does this sound like the word of some divine all-loving and almighty being to you? Especially after saying "He had promised to maintain a lamp for him and his descendants forever."
And here his divine justness:
"And your children shall wander in the wilderness forty years, and bear your whoredoms, until your carcases be wasted in the wilderness. After the number of the days in which ye searched the land, even forty days, each day for a year, shall ye bear your iniquities, even forty years, and ye shall know my breach of promise." (Numbers 14:33-34).
"And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD they God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straightness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee:" (Deuteronomy 28:53).
"And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall distress thee in thy gates." (Deuteronomy 28:57).
Sure! Punish the kids, and let people eat their children! That will teach them!! (especially the eaten and murdered kids will learn their lesson).
No wonder they tell people that they are too stupid to understand that.. If you were intelligent enough to understand it you would definitely not obey.
But there is WAY too much more to actually be in doubt about such things..
I have troubles accepting that somebody who reads such horrific fairy tales and idiotic laws and pseudo morality nowadays, can still find the "word of God" in there.. i see ancient inhumane slave drivers speaking who had no clue about the world, thinking it is a flat disk held by some elephants on a turtle's back, with a fixed roof as firmament held by invisible pillars.. who thought that the all powerful being with unlimited powers needed 1 day to create the earth and the universe, but needed 5 days to screw up the earth after that.. He made everything out of less than thin air but then he needed his own dirt for a guy and the guy's rib for the woman... and then he was too tired and needed a break?
I understand that was written by people who were forcing their fellow humans to do things they wouldn't do under normal circumstances.. but i can't REALLY understand people nowadays still being affected by their teachings so bad.. and "doing God's work" by paying money to the church to fight education and medicine and spread idiocy and intolerance.. and almost the whole world spreading the virus by brainwashing their children.. clearly violating basic human rights in my opinion. And people often fighting religious wars for somebody who is claiming to act by the will of God..
One would assume in these educated times where people are allowed (weren't always all allowed..) and able to read those books.. that we would throw off the religious shackles, but the sad truth is humanity is fighting a dirty war against the imaginary force of "evil and good" that it might lose.. You see yourself how difficult it is to turn away from the religious teachings and the belief in God.. and how difficult it is to see the "holy book" through the "reality" lense.. but you know, if you ask me, your problem will not be to get a grip on reality and live your life as your own boss and grow out of your "christian shoes". The problem might be to get used to the idea that so many people around you are living the "eternal lie" and are convinced that whoever isn't part of it, is wrong and doomed for all eternity.. or something like that, all because of some ancient fairy tales written by people who thought that diseases are caused by demons and witchcraft.. among too many other moronic things that they put down in their books.
But as for you, i am willing to bet that you would (will?) be just fine without The Imaginary Peeping Tom-Boss and his vice president the Holy Fake Zombie Son Jesus as the scapegoat for your imaginary sins..
Just treat them like Santa, life goes on without believing in him, and you can be a good human being without Santa's list, maybe even better if you use your own unbiased moral compass.